Berwald's Song
by IntraSule
Summary: Berwald thought they would be together, but it was never to become...


All he could see was snow.

The falling soft crystals were the only thing Berwald could see that as he ran, a vivid sprinkling of white against the blur of everest green and dark night within the forest. Berwald shot through it all, sprinting blindly against the cold air. He didn't have a destination in mind.

_"Tino, what…What is this…?" Berwald asked hesitantly._

_"…I hate you…"_

He just needed to get away. His boots pounding heavily into the bed of snow and dead grass beneath him, Berwald forced himself to continue on into the trees and ignore his heart's yearning to return and set things right. A small sob escaped his cold, frost-bitten lips, but was quickly replaced by the return of dry panting that created short puffs of condensed air. He needed to escape and move to someplace as far as possible, far from the danger that was once his safe and happy home.

_Berwald's sharp blue eyes grew wide in shock and terror as he looked up towards his husband Tino, the same man that, moments ago, came and suddenly right-hooked him so hard that he fell to the floor. Berwald was so dumbfounded by what was hapening: he was sitting on the floor, rubbing the purple bruise forming on his face that was caused by Tino, who stood above Berwald with his fist and jaw clenched tightly, and his voice laced with as much malice as his eyes had. _

_"You…you hate me…?" Berwald repeated; the words sounded so heavy and wrong as he said it. Not because of his accent, but because… because they came from Tino._

_"Ha ha, yes, Berwald, I do, and I'm so glad that you know now!" Tino laughed. The smile on his face as he spoke looked just as wrong as the hate in his words; it looked so predatorial, like the snarl of a rabid, blood-thirsty wolf ready to kill…_

Once deep within the forest, Berwald paused momentarily to look at his surroundings. Although he couldn't bring himself to think of any good destination to escape to, a part of his mind that wasn't going wild with flight instinct continued to flash with an image of a place that he used to visit on many occasions when he was hurt- both physically and emotionally- a place he hid in to heal as much as he need.

And as of now, he truly needed it.

Berwald quickly skimmed the area around him until he spotted what the calm part of his brain was looking for: a secret bend within the trees, only indicative to him by a large pile of logs that hid most of the opening from unknowing eyes. He ran towards it, shimmied through the small space between the logs and a tree, and took to the path that was behind it. The path that he ran on started to slope upward; Berwald was a bit confused by the change in angle- seeing as how it's been years since he last came here- but anything would have been suitable for him; he really had no choice but to run wherever he could.

_"Tino, what's going on?" Berwald demanded. He tried to stand up but was quickly pushed back down by the sole of Tino's shoe. "What did I do to you?"_

_"What did you do?!" Tino almost yelled. "You made my life nothing more than fucking misery! That's what you did!"_

_Berwald wordlessly shook his head; he doesn't understand what Tino could've meant by that, no matter how hard he dug through his memory to find something, anything, that he could've done to offend Tino so he can apologize as earnestly as possible so he can fix this and end this nightmare before it becomes worse. _

_Tino turned the corner of his lips up as he watched Berwald look up at him dumbly. "Ugh, so damn pathetic and dense, I swear…"_

The angle of the path became sharper; Berwald was almost struggling to climb at this point, heaving and panting as the cold air became colder and heavier; the snow whipped his face from everywhere as wind picked up. He was becoming a bit exhausted from climbing the many turns the path had, but Berwald couldn't stop, he had to keep going for him.

Berwald had to squint his eyes to see past the thickening flurry of snowflakes, but he was sure that he could see a point of light coming from the end of the path; it was a long hike to get to it, so Berwald pushed on.

_"You have no clue how much misery you had put me through, do you?!" Tino yelled, causing Berwald to jump at the tone._

_Berwald could feel his heart begin to pound away in his chest. The back of his eyes started to water as well as he choked out, "I -I made you miserable…?"_

_"YES, YOU PATHETIC PIECE OF SHIT, YOU DID!"_

_Berwald could feel his heart skip a beat before slowly ripping apart by each passing moment this oh-so real nightmare continued. "How…?"_

_"I never wanted to be with you!" Tino shouted, stomping his foot and waving his arms. "I never wanted to 'marry' you and move in with you and all of this bullshit fantasy you've set up for us! I've never wanted to raise some damn brat you bought in an auction- by the way, nice parenting skills you have, Berwald!- and forced onto me!_

_"Do you have any idea how much worse you have made my life, Berwald? From the first day you've trapped me into this, I've been losing contact with my friends and family because they were terrified of you! Nobody wanted to talk to me because of the big monster I was forced to marry, not even my own relatives! I steadily lost my independence as a person until like some wackjob with a bad case of Stockholm Syndrome, I had to be attached to you every single moment of my life in order to be sure that I please you enough to stay alive."_

_"Tino, I would never even hurt-"_

_"Ugh, and you'd think there could be a sort of nice trade off in all of this, " Tino continued, glaring into space as he spoke; it almost seemed like he was more relieving his burden that built up inside him that actually telling Berwald what was wrong._

_He held all of this in the entire time, Berwald realized as he listened quietly to Tino._

_"You'd think that if I were to have my entire life taken away from me- losing the people I care about, my freedom- stripped from me as I live in fear with you, there would be some guarantee that I could have some protection from enemies since monsterous freaks like to protect what they claim is theirs, but- look at you!" Tino gestured to Berwald's position on the floor. "Can't even stand against a simple blow from a smaller guy's punch! If I had known you were this delicate, I would've escaped a long time ago!"_

_Escape…? He hated- hates- me so much that he wanted to escape…_

_Tino shook his head in disbelief and laughed some more. "All this time I've been dreaming of getting away from all of this- from you- and I could've simply walked out and started my life over! You can't even fight back now, you're so damn weak!"_

_Berwald opened and closed his mouth, but no words came- at least ones that seemed right in this situation. What could he say to all of this? I'm sorry? Apparently, his existence has caused too much irreparable damage to Tino for a simple apology to be used. You have it all wrong? No, that would just make Tino angrier. You can leave and I won't stop you? But Berwald didn't want Tino to leave, even if the once-warm violet eyes he looked into are now cold with lovelessness…_

_Turning all of his questions into hope that maybe, just maybe, all of this was just stress that Tino needed to vent and there maybe was some way to appease him and return things to normal, Berwald reached out a hand towards Tino and asked, "Are you done? Are you okay now?"_

_"No, I am not done, Berwald," Tino replied, "I am sick of living in fear and self-loathing for being too cowardly to stand up for what I want: my freedom. I am sick of being trapped in this marriage that I didn't want to be in from the get-go." He reached behind him, never breaking his eye contact from Berwald's. _

_"I'm sick of my misery, and I'm ending it tonight!"_

He was there. Berwald wasn't sure when he reached the cliff's peak, but he knew that it should be far enough for Tino's liking as well as his own personal safety. He dropped to his knees in exhaustion and looked up at the round glowing moon high above. When the cold wind whipped around him and bit into his face, he shivered. Not because the cold was getting to him- he has lived in the cold climate long enough to withstand almost anything- but because the temperature of the wind sent back memories fresh from hours ago. Berwald brought his hand to to his forehead and closed his eyes.

_Berwald stared up in horror as the cold metal of the pistol's barrel imbedded into his forehead. He was literally paralysed with terror, unable to verbalize his thoughts or even wrap his head around the idea that Tino wanted to kill him._

_Yet Tino did want to kill him; the urge to end Berwald's life was so strong that Berwald himself can feel it. The hatred in Tino's eyes burned so much that it completely smoldered the beautiful brightness that used to be there. And all of that smoldering hatred was for him._

_Berwald shook his head again, this time reaching up and grasping Tino's wrist. "Tino, please, don't do this!" Berwald pleaded. He didn't want to die, yet he didn't want to fight Tino and end up injuring him to the point of sending him into a coma._

_Ignoring the pleas, Tino snatched his wrist away from Berwald's hand and swiftly swung it to Berwald's temple. The impact was enough to knock Berwald onto his side and cause the area hit to bleed. Not satisfied with such a violent act, Tino aimed the pistol at Berwald again and pulled the trigger. _

_"AAAAAGH! NOOOO!" Berwald cried as he writhed on the floor. He rolled onto his back and looked at his agonizingly-burning shoulder. The bullet shot straight through and left a hole in it, leaving his shoulder to bleed profusely. Berwald winced and panted as he grabbed his shoulder and looked back up to Tino._

_Tino took a couple of steps to stand where Berwald's head was in order to get a clear aim again. "Time to say goodbye, you worthless piece of-"_

_"Oh, my God, what's going on?!"_

_Both Tino and Berwald jumped at the small voice that cried out suddenly. When Berwald looked to see, he found Peter standing in the doorway of the room, tightly clutching his robot toy to his chest and staring in horror at what was going on in front of him. His bigger father lying on the floor, holding onto his shoulder with blood all over him. His smaller father staring down at his bigger father menacingly and pointing a gun at him. Why does he have a gun?_

_"Daddy? Daddy, what are you doing to Papa?!"_

_Without even batting an eyelash towards the child, Tino replied emotionless, "Peter, this doesn't concern you in the slightest, now go back to bed and cover your ears. I'll be right up there to-"_

_"Daddy, no! Stop! What are you doing to Papa?!"_

_"Peter, do as I say and go to sleep!"_

_"No! What did Papa do to deserve this, huh? Daddy, don't do this!"_

_"Tino, not in front of Peter!" Berwald interjected. "Please!"_

_Tino growled. "Peter. Leave. NOW!"_

_"Daddy, please don't hurt Papa!"_

_"Tino, put down the gun!"_

_"ENOUGH!"_

_Tino aimed his pistol to the ceiling, sending a bullet into it as he pulled the trigger again. The loud crack that resonated from it was followed by silence as both Berwald and Peter watched Tino cautiously, still not able to grasp the fact that this was truly Tino, the man that they believed was caring and nuturing who wanted to kill the man that loved him. Who was going to kill if it wasn't for Peter's interference._

_Tino let his arm fall limply to his side as he ordered, "Go."_

_"What?" Berwald asked._

_"I said go, Berwald," Tino replied. "Go. Leave. Now! I don't want to see you ever again, nor do I want you to ruin my life any longer. Get out of my sight, you monster, before I change my mind and not care at all about killing in front of children."_

_"Tino, please…"_

_"OUT! NOW!"_

Berwald removed his hands from his forehead, and went back to looking up at the moon as it glowed from behind the veil of flurry snow. He could still remember scrambling to his feet. He could still hear the cries of his son begging him to not leave and begging Tino to let Berwald stay, as well as asking what was going on and why was his father hurt. He could still hear the hatred and disgust in Tino's voice, the voice that Berwald now understood was just feigning kindness the entire time and masking long-held resentment.

There was no love. All this time, Berwald was fooled into believing that Tino may have changed his mind about him and at least got used to living with Berwald. He actually believed that Tino would have seen him differently from the others.

Berwald removed his glasses and hung his head back, letting reality of what he just experienced flood right into him. The throbbng of his gun injury long forgotten, Berwald felt tears roll down his temples and into his ears as an entirely new pain set in: the agony of a completely shattered heart.

* * *

For those of you who read the first version, I'd like to apologize for this "update." I remembered that I had revised the story a bit when I posted it on tumblr, so I pasted it onto here.


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